Gone for Good
Warnings Language, Gabriel's candy obsession, Luce trying to make animal sounds, God
Word count 926
Characters Lucifer, Michael, Gabriel, God
Summary It's a very fine day in Heaven, and Lucifer decides to act up with his brothers. Things spiral out of control. He ends up leaving Heaven, predated by an even worse punishment.
Notes This was done for a Crack contest on AO3. Also, I am no way affiliated with the CW Netowrk, Kripke Enterprises, blah blah.
Gifted to? WTNVWinchesters
Loud screaming interrupts the silence of the field. A flurry of feathers, sticky with sugar and early-morning dew, descends on him and cloaks him. He snarls, twists and wriggles out of the wings embracing him, disgusted.
Now there’s a smudge of chocolate and maple syrup (who understands Gabriel’s tastes?) on his chest, and feathers are clumped into the mixture. Angry, Lucifer rips them off and takes off his shirt. Everywhere, heads turn and eyes widen; the Morningstar bared is a rare sight, and to the females’ (and some males’) tastes, it is a treat. They know Lucifer is beautiful. Seeing living proof of this myth, however, is a whole other story. His build is powerful and slender, laced with hard muscle, broad-shouldered and long-limbed. Long dark hair falls over his shoulders, tangling over golden skin and glistening in the sunlight, and his eyes are like deep blue pools in Iceland. Several females faint when he passes them.
He spares them a glance, a small smile, and the remaining conscious ones crumple to the ground as well. He smirks, amused.
When he reaches the Silver Archives, the doors open of their own accord for him, and several guards bow their heads to him, helms glittering in the light of his presence, eyes closed, faces humble and awed. He nods gently, unfurls his wings, and steps inside.
Lesser angels bow before him, and Michael comes forward, ruffles his hair affectionately, and smiles at him.
“Welcome, brother. What be it that you seek?” he asks warmly, and Lucifer blinks slowly, owlishly. His fingers tap on his waist, and he bites his lip, starts playing with his hair. Finally, he spots Gabriel in a corner, reading and throwing gum wrappers at Uriel, and nods at him.
Michael raises a quizzical eyebrow. “Have you a quarrel with our Brother, Lucifer?” he demands. Lucifer nods again and walks towards Gabriel, who barely looks up except to mutter a soft “Go away, you’re in my light.”
“Funny you should think of <i>light</i>, Gabe.” Lucifer drawls, arms folded across his chest. Gabriel sets his book down and looks up, and brown eyes widen. He gulps nervously, chuckles weakly.
‘Uh, about earlier…. Lulu, can’t we forget that? You know how hyper I am when I-” he starts, but Lucifer cuts him off.
“Exactly. I’ve asked Father and Michael, and they agree with me.”
“Agree about what?” Gabriel asks, worried. He has a feeling this will end badly, and he’s right.
“No more candy for you.” Lucifer deadpans. A small shriek from the Messenger turns heads from every side, and some angels tut and cluck. Head tilted, Michael gazes in their direction.
“He’ll be fine.” Lucifer sighs, rolling his eyes (even making faces, he remains striking). The Librarian, Hadriel, grunts angrily at the noise. To annoy him further, Lucifer screams loudly, earning a few laughs.
“<i>OUT!</i>” Hadriel screams, outmatching the elder’s volume effortlessly. Lucifer screams at the top of his lungs, determined not to be outdone, and flies out, cackling, clutching his sides, tears of mirth streaming down his face. Outside, Michael is waiting for him, looking annoyed.
‘Can you not go for but a day without antics, Morningstar?” he asks, disgusted, and Lucifer snickers, breathless with laughter.
“Nope.” he decides after mulling itover for an entire two seconds. Michael glares.
Lucifer plops down on the nearest stone and begins grooming his already immaculate wings. Long fingers preen shimmering feathers, and he starts to purr, his eyelids drifting shut.
“Mika, tell Lulu to stop the autoerotica.” Gabriel whines from above him. Cerulean eyes crack open, and a small smile tugs at Lucifer’s lips. He proceeds to groom himself, nails scratching over feathers gently, tickling the sensitive flesh beneath ever so lightly.
Finally, he stops. Gabriel is sulking. “You’re such a <i>diva</i>” he mutters. Lucifer smirks warmly, teeth glinting, and tilts his head.
“Nope, just vain.” he demurrs and sticks out his tongue at the Messenger. Gabriel scowls.
“Stop acting like fledglings. We are mature, fully-grown Archangels and should act as such.” Michael spits at them, and Lucifer starts howling like a wolf just because he can.
“Maybe you should spend less time on Earth, son.” a warm, powerful voice rings out. Lucifer turns, surprised, and mutters “Sorry, Dad” under his breath.
“Mimicking wolves isn’t exactly the type of activity a Lightbringer should be involved in.” God continues, arms folded across his chest. Lucifer blinks, hoots like an owl, and hovers on his back, performing loops and pretzel-twists.
“Son, I’m serious, stop making animal noises.”
“<i>AAAARGHFFFPLLB BB</i>!” Lucifer tries to mimic a lion, and fails miserably. Michael facepalms. Gabriel giggles, and God looks like he wants to wring his second-eldest’s neck.
“STOP MAKING ANIMAL NOISES OR YOU’RE GROUNDED!” God screams. He’s answered by a frog-croak. He loses it.
“YOU’RE GROUNDED! AND NO MORE HOOKAH FOR YOU UNTIL YOU LEARN TO BEHAVE YOURSELF LIKE A PROPER FUCKING ARCHANGEL!”
Lucifer glares at him.
“You can’t take my Hookah away!” he whines, disappointed, and sulks.
“I DAMN WELL CAN, YOUNG MAN!”
“Fine, then I’m leaving!” the Morning Star snaps, eyes glinting defiantly, and stomps away, purposely swaying his hips and jutting out his chest so the other angels get a show of his ass before he’s gone for good.
“Daddy?” Gabriel asks. God turns to him, smiling.
“Can I have Lulu’s Hookah?”
“Of course, Gabey-dear.”